Chosen Change or Forced Change, It’s Your Pick!
Mark Manson, the author of “The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck” once said something along the lines of don’t tell me what you want in life, tell me what pain you want to endure. When I first read that, it changed my perspective on how to achieve success.
It was 9:00pm last night. I was sitting in bed nursing my newborn for the fourth time in four hours. I was tired. She was tired. My husband was tired. And all I could think about was change. Motherhood has been the BIGGEST change of my life. Definitely the most time consuming too. And yes, you could say I’ve been enduring some pain during this process.
It made me think about how many modern women don’t aspire to be moms. Many of the women in my circle are focused on building their careers (& there’s nothing wrong with that) and I thought, “yeah, motherhood is a lot… and it’s a lot for a very long time….” It’s quite literally life changing. My life will never be the same.
Life changes aren’t easy. Not many people embrace simple changes in general, because it’s a lot easier to follow a routine, especially a comfortable one. We as humans seek comfort everywhere we go.
It’s easier to sit in front of the couch, order a pizza, flip on our favourite TV show, crack open a bottle of wine, and relax in comfort. A screaming baby at 7:00pm that won’t let you put her down is not easy or comfortable.
I love comfort. I do anything I can to make my life, or should I say, my survival, easier. I’ve splurged on things like an automatic espresso machine or a cordless vacuum to save me time and bring enjoyment. But when it comes to overall life planning, I do everything that I can to grow in the light / grow into a better direction. That growth always breeds discomfort and challenge. It is always more time consuming and requires more energy than my current routine. However, the fruits are always positive, and more rewarding than sitting on the couch in comfort.
From what I know, big life changes are created for two reasons:
1. Something inspires you to change (ex. meeting a new inspiring person)
2. Something forces you to change (ex. job loss, health problems)
Many people wait for Option #2 to make the change. And sometimes, option number two leaves you with only bad options. For example, you’re a retired elder who can no longer work and has run out of money due to a lack of retirement savings. At that point, your options are limited…. You either have to rely on family to take you in (if they can), or perhaps rely on government funded housing. Neither option put you in an empowered or better life position.
So, when you look at your life, and when you see something that you complain about. Ask yourself, what am I willing to invest in order to change this? Are you willing to invest time, energy, discipline, and/or money to change it? Are you willing to endure (growing) pains?
If you aren’t willing to make the sacrifice, don’t continually complain about the issue as it will just drain your mental and emotional energy further. However, if you are willing to invest the time, energy, and sacrifice that it takes to create a big change, the fruits of that labor will be worth it.
In the first two weeks of motherhood, I “sacrificed” a lot – time, sleep, hobbies, free time, and even parts of my own identity. But the absolute joy, fulfillment, and learning that has come from this “sacrifice” (I put it in quotations because is it really a sacrifice?) has been more magickal & life changing than I’ve ever expected. So much so, that I cannot actually put it into words at this moment.
Life is always moving forward, and the universe is constantly expanding, so change is bound to happen in your life. But the message I want to convey is that you have the ability to choose a lot of your challenges and your changes. It’s when we avoid change and we try to stay stagnant, that the world will throw us a curveball and force us into something new – whether we want it or not.
So, what challenge and what change do you need to pursue in your life right now?
With love,
Steph
